I'm A Mac and I'm A PC

I don't know whether you've seen the new Apple ads (if you haven't - you've been in a cave somewhere - or at least not watching any prime time TV) - but they feature two guys - one that's a Mac ("I'm a Mac") and another guy (in a suit) - "I'm a PC."

I'll leave you to view the ads yourself - but the basic gist is that the Mac guy (twenty something in jeans - who apparently is unable to grow real facial hair) is politely disrespecting the PC guy. For example, in one ad the PC guy stops mid-sentence (he had to "restart") and the punch line is the Mac guy saying "...I'm going to get IT - keep an eye on him..."

Gotta' love Chiat-Day!

It's funny that Apple is still poking fun at Windows - given the fact that once they ported iTunes to the PC (announced with an ad campaign with the headline "Hell Froze Over") - they finally gained the market share that has allowed them dominance in the downloaded music market. Until then, they weren't able to break the 10 million mark in downloads (now at over 1/2 BILLION downloads).

Then, they scrapped the PowerPC chip - in favor of the dual core processor made by... wait for it... INTEL (I guess since hell was already frozen over - it didn't matter).

NOW, they have even released a beta of a piece of software called BootCamp. BootCamp will allow Mac users with the new Intel chip "dual boot" their computers. That means they can startup their Mac and run Windows as the operating system! There are even hackers out there that are working on free software that will allow a triple boot - adding the ability to boot Linux as well.

There's even a company who makes PC virtualization software (Parallels) - that allows Mac users to boot up in OS X and then open a separate process to run Windows. In fact, Servoy's CEO, Jan Aleman used this in demos last week - and it works! It works so well, that he was able to create a Servoy solution on the "Mac side" and deploy it in a client on the "PC side" - on a single machine.

Now THAT's cool!

I've had a love-like-hate-like-hate relationship with the Mac since it first came out in 1984. I've had many Macs (ONLY Macs in the early days) and more recently, many PCs. I've used "Virtual PC" in the old days (when a 1GB hard drive and 2MB of RAM was the upper limits of computing); I've used 386, 486, Pentium PCs; I've used Newtons, Palm Pilots, etc.

At the end of the day, the best technology is the one that works the best for you. Or, in my case, the hardware/OS combination that most of my customers use - and that's PC/Windows by FAR.

Although, I must admit, having the ability to run BOTH OSes on a single box is really, really appealing. As long as it really WORKS. In this case, that seems to be the case.

I'm torn between loving the Mac (UI, seamless connection, ease-of-use) and hating it (constant OS updates, crappy Java VM, limited software titles) and loving my Windows machine (most customers use it, loads of current software, great Java VM) and hating it (constant virus updates and OS patches, hit-and-miss peripheral integration, "registry hell").

I guess I'm a little bit Mac and a little bit PC at heart.

Maybe my next notebook will be a MacBook...

Why Invent? Just SUE!

With the latest news about yet another company trying to sue RIM (makers of the BlackBerry handheld) - I've just about had it.

Just as RIM (Research In Motion) settled with NPT (a patent holding company that has no products other than lawsuits) for more than $600 million (yep - over 1/2 BILLION dollars!) on patents that the US Patent & Copyright Office had invalidate (or was just about to) - up steps a company called Visto.

You see - Visto just successfully sued another company called Seven Networks and won a $3.6 million verdict in Texas - for violations of intellectual property on some patents they own having to do with wireless email.

Hell, Visto even filed against Microsoft on December 15, alleging that Microsoft's Windows Mobile 5.0 operating system also infringed on its patents! Nice. Suing Microsoft. Good idea. I'm "sure" you'll win. No problem.

Even if they don't win - just the thought of RIM going through yet another lawsuit ordeal - has some corporate users searching for alternatives.

And, it just so happens, that Nokia is coming out with it's own wireless device with a keyboard that does what the BlackBerry does. Hmmmmm.... make you think.

What I find even more crazy - is the fact that NTP holds a stake in Visto as well! Talk about double-dipping! Gotta' just love the "hey, if it worked once, it can work again" mentality of lawsuits. This is literally their business model.

Hijacking for dollars. God, it's GREAT to be an American!

Rich Internet App - My Ass!

There's been quite a number of stories in the past week about RIA's - their definition and why people should/should not use them. For those of you that aren't "hip" to all the crazy acronyms floating around these days - RIA stands for Rich Internet Applications.

RIA is an acronym that Macromedia (now owned by Abobe) came up with in 2003 as a way to basically sell Flash as a way to create "highly interactive" web-based applications. They later developed Flex - an application framework (based on the concept of remote flash), and have added a bunch of connectors to databases, and even a very basic IDE (Integrated Development Environment) that is a plug-in to the venerable Eclipse development environment.

Flex is an XML-based language and application server that are used (allegedly) to create scalable business application on web sites. The way it works is you write a bunch of XML files that contain code (with or without the IDE) - save it as a .swf (Flash) file, and upload it to the server. Then, on your page - you make reference to the .swf file - and when the page loads, the Flash plug-in the browser takes over and renders everything.

Flash itself is a very "sexy", graphics-based technology that allows developers to build "pretty" interfaces that run in a web browser. Flash has cool effects like wipes, dissolves , etc. Traditionally, Flash has been used for web site animations, banner animations, etc. because it is very compact (files are small), and the installation of the Flash plug-in into a browser is very straight forward and easy.

The problem, in my view - is that there are LOTS of moving parts involved. There are LOTS of physical files that make up a final solution. There isn't any automatic data binding - in fact, there's very little "automatic" anything! Just for fun - check out this "simple" application of showing contact records from a database.

YIKES! I can build AND DEPLOY that solution in 15 seconds in Servoy - with ZERO code.

Besides being difficult to develop (and maintain) code - and the fact you have to have connectors and a messaging server, installing and configuring a J2EE application server (JRun, IBM Websphere, or BEA Weblogic) and all the rest of the requirements (at least deployment isn't that hard) - there are a few other points that are a bit disconcerting:

• Data connections to back end databases? Ummm... yeah, but licensed separately - and good luck figuring out the messaging model.
  
• Mac Version? Ummm... yeah, sure, sometime.
  
• Cost? $1,000 per developer + Data Services (price TBD)
  
• 1 GB of memory (Flex Builder)
  
• Your application’s compiled SWF file is in the same domain as the remote data source. OR, if you use a proxy and your SWF is on the same server as the proxy.
  
• Loads, and loads and LOADS of code! In little files. LOTS of little files - all over the place.
  

Yeah, but is Servoy a "true" Rich Internet Application tool? In a word: YES. You can launch via a browser a 2K .jnlp file (Java WebStart config file - auto-generated by Servoy for you). Everything else happens outside the browser, but across the Internet (or LAN or WAN or VPN). Compiled methods are executed on the client. Data access, data connections, data change broadcasting, finding data, editing data, creating new rows, duplicating data, embedded JavaBeans, embedded JavaApplets, enhanced plug-in functions (get/post http; platform-specific dialogs, UDP calls, pop/smtp email, etc) are handled automatically by the Servoy application server (servlet) and Smart Client.

Servoy will do virtually all the same stuff (except the pretty transition effects) BUT:

With NO coding to setup all the "plumbing" behind the scenes.
With NO code to make data connections.
With NO code to bind data objects to "grids" for display.
With NO code to create relationships between tables.
With NO code to query the correct columns.
With NO code to query tables across different databases.
With NO code to broadcast data changes to other clients.
With NO need to "compile"/run to test changes to functionality.
With NO need to replace HTML code to roll out newer versions.

Servoy is THE easy way to a truly Rich Internet Application.

Be Very Afraid

The big news a couple of months ago was Apple's announcement that it would ship a program (currently in beta) called "Boot Camp" that would allow users of the MacBook (with the new Intel dual core processor) dual boot between Mac OS X and Windows. I guess hell really did freeze over.

Maybe Steve & Company finally realized that they really do only have about 4% of the OS market. I guess they figured if people run Windows on Apple Hardware, then they would also finally be exposed to the "computing for the rest of us" - the elegant way that computer interfaces should be.

I guess they're hoping Windows users will wonder at the seamless way that a Mac will recognize peripherals, wireless networks, and other goodies that often require untold downloads and installs of various service packs, driver updates, "have CD" installs and all the other crap that is standard procedure on any Windows box.

If I were Microsoft, I would be "concerned."

Microsoft is busy missing shipping deadlines for Vista (their next version of the Windows operating system); heavily promoting "studies" (that they funded) slamming Linux as a server OS; and also readying a new update to Office; and Exchange; and SQL Server; and .NET; and Visual Studio; and... and... and... oh, never mind. Let's just say they're updating everything under the sun - in order to stay relevant. To keep their OS dominance in the marketplace.

Meanwhile, the world is a changing. Sun released their Solaris OS as open source. Open Office is gaining steam in new versions as a viable alternative to the Office suite. Red Hat just bought middleware maker JBoss (also open source) to beef up their Linux server platform. Oracle is buying up open source companies like they were going out of style.

If I were Microsoft, I would be "very concerned."

The cash cows of Microsoft have traditionally been it's Server operating system, Office productivity suite, and SQL Server database. With Linux (server operating system), Open Office (and cousin Star Office from Sun - productivity suite), and MySQL costing a small fraction of the price with 80%+ of the functionality - and all being open-source - the Microsoft cash cows are starting to look like hamburger.

Then, while surfing this week, I came across something - yet another open source, reasonably priced piece of software. It's called Zimbra. This app is delivered via a browser and uses AJAX. It comes with a "collaboration server" - and the web-based UI is optional. You can just as easily use Thunderbird or even Outlook. The AJAX-based UI is very cool and has drag/drop capabilities, a "reading pane" for emails, a collaborative calendar, supports an API that would allow developers to create "Zimlets" that would - for example - get information on a FedEx package when the cursor is rolled over it, etc.

Oh, and they also just announced they would be adding a word processing and spreadsheet to the suite as well. Cost? "Small Business Edition" at $1,450 per year for up to 50 users, or the "Standard Edition" at $28 per user/year (min 500 - then in blocks of 50). Included is access to their knowledge base, email, phone and 24x7 crisis support.

Can you say "Exchange killer?" Unlike Google's disjointed offerings and Microsoft's own LAME "Live Office" offering - this is looking very interesting. And cheap. And open-source. And browser-based. And cheap.

If one of the "big boys" (Google, Yahoo, etc.) picked up on this technology and were able to push it through their already huge network of users - well... it could be the beginning of the end of the Microsoft-dominated software era.

If I were Microsoft, I would be "afraid." Very afraid.

I Gotta' Have More Cowbell!

During a late-night break from programming this week - I caught an old episode of Saturday Night Live that cracked me up - and inspired me to ask this question:

The Mac OS is cooler than Windows because:

a) It's built on Linux

b) Steve Jobs can do do wrong

c) It's got more cowbell

Answer: C - more cowbell.

"More cowbell" is the punch line to a five year old skit that featured Christopher Walken and was a spoof of VH1's "Behind the Music." The "show" takes a "behind-the-scenes" look at what might have happened when the 1970s band Blue Oyster Cult (BOC) went into the studio to record "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" - one of the bands most recognized songs.

Those of you who are old enough to know what a "record" is (hint - has nothing to do with databases) - you know that "Don't Fear The Reaper" features a prominent cowbell during the entire song.

I won't ruin the fun by explaining the skit - but Walken steals the show with "I gotta' have more cowbell!" - as he pleads with the band members who are annoyed with Gene Frenkle's (played by Will Farrell) incessant cowbell beating.

That got me to thinking about what "I gotta' have more cowbell" really means. On the surface, it's just a silly saying really only aprapose in the context of the skit. On a deeper level (stay with me here) it's actually got some meaning beyond the context of a "cute" skit.

To me, it's a battle cry for accentuating the positive - and calling for more of "it." "It" in this case is whatever "it" is that makes a product or service go beyond just acceptable and brings it into the realm of "gotta' have it."

Some examples:

• The Ritz Carlton's High Tea
  
• Riding a BMW R1200 RT over a winding mountain road
  
• Servoy
  
• Zillow.com
  
• Wired Magazine
  
• Nordstrom's
  

It's not often that I have a "cowbell moment" - but when I do - I'm generally hooked. I look forward to having that moment again and again. Even more than that - I EXPECT it. It raises the bar for not only that product or service - but my baseline expectation is that of excellence - everytime. That's not necessarily a bad thing - until the inevitable happens - the human factor.

Someone drops the ball.

Some invoice gets lost.

Some phone call gets missed.

Some website goes down.

Basically - life happens. No matter how hard you try, or how well the planning goes - there are those times when everything goes to hell in a handbasket and there is little or nothing you can do about it.

So how does that affect the "cowbell" experience? If you've already had the "cowbell" experience, and you're a "fan", then it's probably not that big of a deal. I mean, everyone (person and company) has a bad hair day occasionally.

However, If you're not already a "fan" - then it can sometimes make the difference between becoming one and not. Or at least your expectation is set lower than the reality - which isn't necessarily a bad thing. This just means, in the case of a really great company, you'll be delighted (if you give them a second chance) and then hopefully, you'll have your own "cowbell" moment.

Thought for today: "Guess what? I've got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell!"

The Down Side of "Instant"

God, I'm getting old.

At dinner the other night somehow the discussion turned to technology - or, specifically - the lack of technology when my wife and I were growing up.

As I sat there an recited a list of all the things that weren't invented when I was a kid - computers, video camera, "digital" anything, microwaves, VCR (forget about DVDs), fax machines, cell phones, pagers, PDA's, video games (well, OK, "Pong" came out when I was 10), cable television, copiers, printers, ATMs, phone machines, super glue, voicemail, coffee makers...

"...and did you have stone dishes and cook over a fire, Daddy?" (true question from my 6 year old daughter)

Well, I'm not THAT old. Don't get me wrong we had our "cool" technology of the time: 8 track tapes, CB radios, Super 8 movie cameras, IBM Selectric typewriters (VERY advanced "business machines"), fondue machines, Tupperware, Tang, 3 TV stations (with a 25 foot antenna on the roof), Christmas lights with individual "screw-in" bulbs...

Even without the technological advances of today, people still managed to get stuff done.

We would use carbon paper pressed against a second piece of paper when we typed up a letter so we would have a copy. We did things like write and letter, put a stamp on it, and {gasp!) MAIL it. We went into a bank branch to make a deposit or withdrawl, transfer money, or do anything else with money. You would call people on the phone if you wanted to "instantly" communicate with them - or better yet - just drop by their house or office.

We would play with "boring" toys like blocks, Lincoln Logs, Erector Sets. We would play games like Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders and Candyland. When a new Disney movie came out either we would go to the drive-in as a family or see it in the theatres. Once. Ever.

Then, things got "faster." We had one hour photo developing, a "fax" machine - for "instant" communications (at 600 baud!), "instant" soup, "instant" copies.

Fast forward to today.

We have "instant" messaging, "email" (instant" communications), Blackberrys (when email is just too slow), every Disney movie made on VHS and DVD (and probably even Beta!) for the "instant" Disney experience, satellite TV and radio with 200+ stations (to "instantly" suck up all your free time and rot your brain), TiVO (will "instantly" record 2 shows at once), iPods ("instant" music anywhere), cell phones ("instant" communication), PDF documents rather than faxes ("instant" archives), 1GB USB hard drives ("instant" storage), "lunchables" ("instant" kid lunches), two way walkie talkies built into phones (when dialing is not "instant" enough), broadband ("instant" downloads when compared to dial-up)...

We place 5 million cell phone calls, send over 10 BILLION instant messages and 3 million SMS messages PER DAY. With all this technology that lets us "instantly" connect and get our work done, and with all the other "instant" technologies we have today - we should have a 3 hour work week.

But, of course, we don't.

We now work (on average) more than 40 hours per week, take less vacations, and when we DO take a vacation - we tend to pack the Blackberry, cell phone, laptop and iPod and look for hotels that sport free wireless Internet connections.

We're turning into a society that has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). And yet, we're still dreaming of a time when things are MORE "instant." We want things to go faster, take less time and effort so we can... ummmm... well, spend even MORE time working, and less time interacting with our friends, families, churches, organizations and clubs.

I don't know about you - but I'm still waiting for the "instant" meal pills, flying cars that fold into a briefcase ("instant" transportation) - or at the least my own rocket pack. I want an "instant" dog walker attached to my house floating in the sky, a personal robot to "instantly" cater to my every whim, a computer that recoginizes speech and can anticipate my needs... Ok, so I watched too many "Jetsons" growing up - but I still want them.

If ONLY I had those things... THEN I would take time to smell the roses. THEN I could find the time to attend my kids' games. THEN I could donate my time to others. THEN I could _____________ (fill in the blank).

Technology has come a long way since I was a kid. I marvel at what humankind has been able to accomplish in such a short time. I wonder what the future will hold. I wonder what it will be like when my kids are my age.

Now if only I had an "instant" time travel machine...

Software Can Be A Trip

My wife and I have been on some wonderful vacations together. We have enjoyed many different cities, states and even countries together.

I recently had the opportunity to go with her and the kids on a getaway for a long weekend. Those of you who have children can attest to one thing: when you're traveling with your children - there is no such thing as a "vacation" - it's a "trip."

There is a vast difference between a vacation and a trip.

A vacation is a chance to unwind and re-charge your batteries.
A trip is something you do to get out of the house.

On a vacation, you "splurge" for a nice room with a view - in a 4 star hotel.
On a trip - you map out the route based on "super saver specials" and refer to the Motel6 website for inspiration.

On a vacation you enjoy intimate meals and private moments.
On a trip - you scarf McDonalds and install earplugs for the mind-numbing screams in the indoor play area.

On a vacation your time is your own - you can sleep in, read, get a massage and take long walks hand-in-hand.
On a trip - you can get up at 6:30am to watch Dora the Explorer, grab breakfast at 8:00am and be totally exhausted by lunch.

On vacation you can read the morning paper over coffee, hop in the car to explore new areas, and dine al fresco.
On a trip - you can read page one of the paper on the toilet (if you're lucky), spend 25 minutes getting ready to go on the day's outing (complete with 1/2 the luggage you brought "just in case"), and dine in any "kid friendly" hash joint you choose.

On a vacation you stroll the Champ-Elysees and have a meal at a quaint French sidewalk cafe overlooking Notre Dame.
On a trip - you go to Buffalo Bill's in Primm Nevada ("the hotel with the rollercoaster, Daddy!") and endure a bland all-you-can-eat buffet.

On a vacation you shuss down slopes of white powder followed by a Hot Toddy in front of a roaring fire in the lodge.
On a trip - you put the kids in "ski school"and shuss down slopes of white powder followed by a Hot Toddy in front of a roaring fire in the lodge (hey, I'm not STUPID!).

On a vacation you escape to a local hotel - even just overnight - for an evening of quality time and romance in a room with a comfortable oversized bed and fluffy down pillows.
On a trip - you "get as many miles behind you" as possible - hoping the kids will not fall asleep too early so you can collapse into a rock-hard bed with foam pillows.

You get the idea. Now, don't get me wrong - I love to travel with my family. We go interesting places, and half the fun is to watch the kids enjoying themselves and see them learn and experience things for the first time. I get a chance to experience things that I probably wouldn't normally "choose" to do if the kids weren't there. Plus, there are plenty of bright spots during a trip - otherwise I wouldn't go on them anymore.

It's just... well... a vacation is totally different. I really look forward to them because I don't take them often. I relish "catching up" with my wife and having the luxury of being completely selfish with our quality time together. I don't have to worry about schedules, email, phone calls, potty breaks every 30 minutes (at the most inappropriate times), etc.

Software can be the same way. For me, using Servoy is like going on a vacation. Other software I use is simply a trip.

Thought for today: If you're tired of your "trippy" software - give Servoy a look-see. http://www.servoy.com

Choices, Choices

I've been in the market for a different car. There are lots of choices out there... too many!

There is a LOT of competition out there for things that do basically the same thing - with basically the same purpose: to get you from one place to another.

They all even have the same basic parts: chassis, body, doors, windows, engine, wheels, seats, steering wheel, lights, etc.

So - from a purely practical point of view - they all do the same thing - and they all have the same basic features (at the core). Why, then, are there so many different manufacturers and so many model types within those different brands?

I think it all comes down to this: Different strokes for different folks with different budgets and needs.

Car manufacturers are very, very good at creating different models that appeal to different types of drivers. Once they identify a wide niche (or a best-selling trend by a competitor) - they create a full-fledged vehicle to try to appeal to that demographic. This is a huge investment. Often in the hundreds of millions of dollars. It often takes anywhere between 18 months and 36 months to bring those cars into production (if they ever see the light of day in the first place).

When they sit down to design a car for a particular segment of driver - they make sure that everything about the design will appeal to that segment. For example, If you pick a brand and model - say "BMW 760Li" that car is designed for a very specific buyer/driver and that is much different than a "Toyota Corolla". Both do the same thing. Both are made from basically the same parts. One is $118,000 - the other is $14,000.

In the end it depends on what you need, what you want, and what you can afford.

If you're driving a old, beat-up '69 bug that you bought new, and is still "good transportation" and you're happy with it - then there's no need to change. On the other hand, if you just bought a new Toyota Corolla and it's not meeting your needs - it's not like they come with 30 day money back guarantee. You would have to trade in that car to get a new one - and you would find out that it has lost value based on the number of miles, etc. so you won't get what you paid for it. Of course, this varies by model and how desirable it is, and how many people want to buy it used. The dealer of the new car would take your old (new) car, figure out what they could sell it for (plus a profit) and credit that against the price of the car (or truck) you "really" want.

There is a period of transition as you get "used to" the new (new) car. Things work differently. You have re-input all your favorite radio stations. You have to set up the automatic garage door opener. You have to set up the seat adjustment, the mirror positions to fit you. You probably will want to customize it in some way - personalized license plates, an evergreen deodorizer, custom wheels, etc.

It's the same will ALL cars. Same with trucks. Same with SUV's.

Same with software.

There are lots of choices for storing and retrieving your data. There are desktop databases that are inexpensive and easy-to-use, there are high-end RDBMS (Relational Database Management System) systems, and Open-Source databases, and free databases, and proprietary databases. There are also many, many different tools for getting your information in and out of those databases - client software, HTML-based CGI programs, dumb terminal software, etc.

Once you get software you think you want, you have to configure it and customize it for your own needs. Once you have it customized and working - chances are good that it will continue to work well (with regular maintenance) for a long time.

NOTHING lasts forever.

At some point, you'll have to upgrade your car, I mean database. There are different circumstances - but it really all comes down to the same issues that you have when you're thinking about trading in your car: reliability, fitness for purpose and scalability.

Reliability - are you spending more time and money "fixing" and "patching" what you have than you are actually using it?

Fitness For Purpose - have you "outgrown" it. A two-seater convertible was awesome when you were single - but does it meet the needs of your growing family?

Scalability - does it meet not only your needs - but your anticipated needs. After all, if you're going to get a new car (or software) - it should not only meet your current needs but your needs for the next few years (at least) as well.

If you're using some stone-age 4GL and you're in a place where you have 50 or more users - and you're "old clunker" of a system is ready for a replacement - then check out Servoy - you'll be glad you did.

Oracle - Unbreakable "ish"

For years Oracle has been running its "Unbreakable" ad campaign - touting how Oracle is hacker-proof - especially on Linux.

Well, it turns out that they are not quite "unbreakable" - as they just released a security patch that fixes 83 "critical" security flaws. I guess they have a good excuse - beyond just the normal "Ooops, my bad" - that seems to be going around.

After all, they have been on a $19 Billion buying spree over the last two years. They had such a hard-on to "slaughter" SAP in the CRM space and after finally buying PeopleSoft (and JD Edwards as a result) - they've been really "busy" with the whole "integration thing."

So who could notice that... ummm... by the way - your database, the main product for Oracle, the "thingie" that hundreds of thousands of businesses use to store mission-critical, personal customer information in is... well... sorta' broken.

More than a little disturbing? That would be a "yes." Because at the end of the day - "unbreakable" is just a marketing campaign - right? Wrong.

Hackers are the ones that take the "unbreakable" tag line to heart - and they aren't exactly the ones coming forward with sample code for exploits they find. Rather, they're the ones that keep silent and just steal a coupla' million rows worth of personal or confidential data. Confident that their victims are all warm and snug in their beds - 100% secure in the fact that their prized information is totally safe in an "unbreakable" repository.

Never let it be said that Larry Ellison would let the facts get in the way of a great tag line.

I Don't Do Sports (Normally)

Normally, I don't "do" sports.

I have no time.

Normally, I have no interest.

I do, however, watch the SuperBowl. Well, that's not true. I TiVo the SuperBowl - that way I can fast forward through all the absolute crap that the armchair quaterbacks (the announcers) have to say - and I can skip all the completely useless stats that they feel compelled to share every 20 seconds or so.

Plus, I have twin 5-1/2 year olds - who will never sit through one episode of Spongebob - forget about a 4-1/2 hour game of grown men trying to beat the hell out of each other.

I could really care less about who was playing (I didn't even KNOW who was playing until it started), or where they were playing (Detroit - but only because Mick Jagger said so at halftime).

I was there for the halftime show.

I figured there would be little chance of seeing any more breasts flying around - but there was something equally as funny: Keith Richards still alive.

I mean, really! The Rolling Stones could all qualify for Social Security - and here they are prancing around "singing." Mick - I saw you in Vegas and you were great - next time they ask you to do a halftime show - try to actually hit ANY note and try to remember the words to your own damn song!

Oh, and lose Keith Richards. At least he didn't sing (as he did in Vegas) - but don't let him walk around and try to "play guitar" at the same time. Not gonna' work. Not enough brain cells left. He can't chew gum and walk either. Trust me.

Was it as good as a "costume malfunction?" Nope. Was it worth injuring my "fast forward" finger to get to the halftime show. Sort of. Would have been much better to see Keith in his natural habitat with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, drunk, weaving dangerously close to the edge of that massive stage...

But hey, what do you want for a free show?

When Less Is More

I am sick to death of bloatware.

I was trying to explain to a novice user how to use Microsoft Word for creating tables of contents and indexes. To create a table of contents - it's fairly simple - just assign styles to your headings (using the styles "Heading 1", "Heading 2", etc) and then click to generate a table of contents. Easy, right?

Wrong.

If you use styles, there are approximately 15,000 settings you can use to control every single aspect of the paragraph, hot keys, leading, kerning, borders, shading flow control, bullets and numbering, alignment, space before, space after, line spacing, hanging indents, font, size, character spacing, text effects, indents, outline level, line breaks, page breaks, widow control, hypenation, languages, spell checking, dictionaries to use, and about 80 other settings - PER STYLE.

To a novice user - this is... hmmmm... overwhelming at best. To someone that is a professional writer, author or has to format loads of documents in a consistent way - it's really a godsend. To everyone else (98%?) - it's just plain overkill. The "average" user (myself included) will probably use about 5% - 10% of that functionality (on a really complex document). The rest is a waste of programming, documentation and adds un-needed complexity to an already-complex piece of software.

This is why people use Notepad and WordPad. A lot.

I think you can say the same thing about most of the software and hardware you buy today. I bought a cheap digital watch for my son the other day, and there was a 12 PAGE instruction booklet on how to set the date, time and use the chronograph functions. Talk about convoluted! There are only 4 buttons on the damn thing and to get anything done I had to do a virtual ballet of pressing, holding, tapping and pushing to work through all the various settings. I mean it's a damn WATCH for goodness sake!

All those extra features are nice, mind you - but I'm just trying to see what time it is. I'm not programming an Altair!

All this from someone that uses technology for a living. I mean, I'm fairly comfortable with software, hardware, gadgets, etc. and STILL most things are such a hassle, I don't bother with them. God forbid if I ever lose the instructions on how to setup that watch!

Thankfully, there are some pieces of software and hardware in my life that are so easy to use AND useful, that I can't imagine my life without them. They solve a real problem without being cumbersome. They have a function and do one thing really well. They are easy to setup and use, and that makes me want to use them more.

A couple of examples are the iPod, my DVR (Digital Video Recorder), my text editor, and my... gulp... iMac.

Two out of the four are from a single company. Apple.

They "get it" (most of the time). They have pretty, simple, easy-to-use products and the marketing budget to make them "cool." The iPod player is not the most full-featured MP3 player on the market, the iMac still uses a PowerPC chip (until the dual cores start shipping soon) that isn't as fast as the Intel chips in my Dell, iTunes isn't the biggest online music source (or the least expensive). It's all about the simplicity. The attention to detail.

The text editor I use is TextPad. It's like Notepad, but with a spell checker. It has basic text entry, word count, good search/replace features and it's inexpensive. I use it a lot. In fact, most of the time. Like now, writing this Bob's World column.

But if I had to pick a single product that is the one that I use the most - I would have to say it's my Digital Video Recorder (DVR). Gone are the days of clunky programming with a remote, flashing "12:00" timestamps, forgetting to put in a VHS tape or taping over the twin's birthday party with an episode of Lost.

Point, click, record. Choose to record a series with two clicks. Set and forget. Done.

Watch two shows while recording another - check. Block content so if the kids get up early they aren't "accidentally" watching the latest Chris Rock special on HBO? Check. Record movies from HBO that are on in the middle of the night? Check. Browse by show category or title - so I can record a special show while on the road? Check.

Most of the time - I think more features isn't better, it's worse. People are just trying to get their damn work done so they can call it quits and go home. Period. Less is more - especially when it comes to "everyday" hardware and software.

If less is MORE, why don't more companies do it? Two reasons: Easy is hard; and adding 1,000 features has always been the way (in the marketer's mind) to get people to upgrade/switch/buy.

Easy is good because people are less confused. People who are less confused have a better experience with the product and are able to more quickly get something accomplished - which is what they were hoping for when they bought the product in the first place. Engineering "easy" is hard. Executing "easy" on a consistent basis and remaning "flexible" is hard. Making "easy" look good is hard. Convincing engineers not to add complexity while increasing functionality is hard.

Hard but possible.

Hard but necessary.

Customers vote with dollars. When it comes to useability and getting something done - easy is better.

Note to self: May I help to do for software what the iPod did for music.

When $450 Million Just Isn't Enough

SO.... you've probably heard that the Canadian company RIM (makers of the Blackberry - better known as the "Crackberry" because you're never away from email) - got sued by a little company called NTP - alleging that RIM is using one of their patents without payment.

In an "oops, my bad" moment - RIM offered to pay NTP over $450 MILLION dollars for the right to LICENSE their patent. NTP politely took a pass, then sued their ass in US court. RIM has been trying everything short of phoning a friend trying to get their patents thrown out.

They've even appealed to the US Supreme Court - saying that the "good bits" of their technology runs in Canada, eh, so they are exempt. Well, today, the US Supreme court denied their request.

The good folks over at NTP have asked the court to shut down RIM sales and service in the US.

Hmmmm... that would be a bad thing.

NTP, in short, has RIM by the short hairs and they're giving a good old squeeze. Well, good for them - that's good ol' American capitalism at it's glorious worst. I guess they feel they can do better than the $450 mil.

Maybe they are smoking the drapes? That's almost half a BILLION dollars.

To make matters even more interesting - looks like the USPTO (US Patent and Trademark Office) is going to deem the NTP patents invalid.

Yeah, invalid. As in, "ooops, we bad. We should have never allowed it in the first place."

If I were the greedy gophers at NTP - I'd run out and buys some old Steve Miller CD's (better - dig out the old vinyl albums), start singing "Take the money and run", get a six pack, suck it up and settle for the measly 1/2 billion bucks RIM is offering.

NOTE TO SELF: Get patent on the word "the."

I Hate The Phone

Well, that's not really 100% true. I love the phone when I'm trying to get a hold of someone, but then I go back to hating it when I have leave a message.

OK, so I'm sticking by my original statement: I hate the phone.

The problem with a phone call is that it's the same thing as randomly driving by someone's house to see if they're home. Sometimes they are, most of the time they're not.

So, then you leave a message. They call back. You're not home. They leave a message. You call back. They're not home, so you leave a message. And on, and on, and on, and on, and on it goes until finally, you both happen to be at there at the same moment, they are not screening calls, they don't have another call on hold, and you can actually talk.

Then you have nothing to say after 5 minutes.

So, you've wasted about 15-20 minutes playing phone tag - for a 5 minute conversation. Not terribly efficient.

But it gets worse.

At work, I'm usually multi-tasking and in deep concentration for most of the day. That is - until - you guessed it - someone calls. The thing that sucks about getting a call when you're trying to get something done - is the sheer immediacy of it. You must stop to answer the phone, then you have switch you mind completely out of what you're doing to focus on the questions/problems/suggestions of the person on the line. Then, after the call - no matter how short, you have to spend time trying to "get back into" whatever it was that you were doing before the call.

As soon as you're back "in the groove"... you get a call. I hate the phone.

You can't get away from the evil effects of the phone once you leave home or leave the office. This is why the evil corporations that rule the world have devised mobile phones. Now you can be annoyed 24/7 no matter where you are on earth. There IS such thing as an "off" switch on a mobile phone - and I use it often. BUT, just by carrying it (because after all, I may need to get a hold of someone NOW!) - I'm "quilted" into turning it on every now and then to see if have messages.

If I have no messages - I start to wonder why people don't call me more.

It's a sick plan by telcos to drive you slowly insane and whose next plan is undoubtedly a mobile phone chip implanted into your skull.

But it doesn't even stop there. You can become an innocent victim of the phone at your favorite retail establishment. Have you ever gone to the checkout at a department store (of COURSE there is only one person working and of COURSE there is a line of 10 people waiting) - when the $6 per hour, 19 year old, couldn't-grow-a-beard-if-he-had-to "associate" gets a phone call from a customer wanting to know if they have a certain piece of clothing in a certain size and certain color. What do they do? They leave the register and check!

Screwed by the phone yet again!

I hate the phone.

Phonebooks! What the hell?

The phone company - or some of their undoubtedly under-paid minions - dropped off a load of phonebooks this morning. One for each phone line we have. 6 books. 5 inches and 20 pounds each.

There are enough dead trees in there to create 500 reams of "real" paper - not to mention the fact that now I have to find something to do with them (yes, I AM too damn lazy to just throw them out). Recycle? Nah, I'm not exactly a tree-hugger.

Hmmmm.. what to do? What do do? Inspiration!

Top 10 Things You Can Do With Phonebooks:

1. Toss them over your balcony and listen for that sweet-sounding "thud" as it strikes an unwary pedestrian.
   
   
2. Put them in front of your neighbor's door and let them deal with it.
   
   
3. Place one each in the men's bathroom - there will always be something "new" to read.
   
   
4. Give your shredder a REALLY good beating.
   
   
5. Rip out random pages and broadcast fax to 100 of your closest friends.
   
   
6. Tear out random white pages so you have some good phone numbers when you're drunk dialing.
   
   
7. Take them with you when you go to the grocery store and leave them in the cart as a parting gift.
   
   
8. Auction them on eBay.
   
   
9. Makes a perfect "Arbor Day" gift.
   
   
10. Rip out all the coupons and trade them for coupons you REALLY want (then put a gun in your mouth and kill yourself - you have no life)
    

Software Should Just Work

My life revolves around the computer. I use lots of software - LOTS. I'm at the computer waaaaayyyyyy too much (just ask my family). Now, I'm not the world's most prolific computer user ever invented, but I'm in the top 50% of people that actually read documentation and actually try things on my own before pushing the big "panic" button and go running to tech support.

Apparently, I'm also in the minority of people that can actually check email, setup a new email account, use formulas in Excel, use styles in Word, and surf in multi-tabbed browsers. Each one of these skills I've learned either on my own, through decent documentation, or by the school of hard knocks. And yet, I use maybe 1-10% of each program's true features.

Why is that?

The reason is that today's software is so damn complicated.

Every program tries to win the feature war and be "everything to everyone." It's just ridiculous. Software is meant to help automate a process - usually a process that would suck without automation: word processing (remember the IBM Selectric?), spreadsheets (remember paper?), web browsing (remember going to the library and reading books?), email (remember licking envelopes and things called "stamps"?).

Do we need to go 8 dialogs deep to set up security settings? Is there a burning need to have a drop down menu of 9 different "Format" options for styles? Since when did creating a website require that we have 50,000 floating palettes of "helpful information at our fingertips." I don't have that many fingers, I'm getting old, and my eyes cross reading 8pt or trying to click one of 200 buttons that are 5 pixels by 5 pixels each. I mean, really!

I'm not saying that all software blows. There are very useful programs out there that are truly innovative and do what they say (like Servoy!) - but there are others that are just so difficult to use - that I'm convinced that no one has actually used the crap in "real life" before they got the bright idea to ship it.

Do engineers actually use the software they write? Do marketing pukes who put the "check mark" features on the box - actually USE the software and try to do the things they say it will do? Do salespeople actually use their own platform/software to try to get stuff done?

In 99.999% of cases - I'd say it's a resounding "Hell NO!"

The engineers sit around thinking up "great ideas" utilizing the latest technologies but then they implement it in such a way that only engineers can use it.

The marketing stooges read 5 web sites and 5 magazines and then run down to the engineers and say "Do we have (your buzz word here) in the new version??" Then they proceed to wine, bitch, moan and behave like 5 year olds until they get marketing copy on the box that is a laundry list of de jour "must have" features. The only problem is - that in 95% of the cases the reality doesn't live up to the hype. Either the feature is too hard to understand, or called with such arcane commands or buried 7 dialogs deep - that it's impossible for the user to actually use the feature.

The sales folks (in most cases) wouldn't ever actually use the software they're selling. They really don't know anything about the software except what Larry, Schemp and Moe have lead them to believe the software will do. Whether or not the software actually DOES a particular thing - doesn't really matter

- EXCEPT to the person buying it.

Before I get too much hate mail, let me say that I realize that a lot of computer users are "documentationally challenged", often can't chew gum and walk at the same time, and if a single click doesn't work - will try to click 150,000 times - just to be sure (you know who you are).

Look, the bottom line is - software should correctly solve a real problem. And it should work. And it should be appropriate for the targed user. If you're selling software for novices - but don't want to piss off "power" users - have a "dumbass mode" so people just starting out can make it work. On the other hand, if you have a tool that is meant for developers - don't "dumb it down" for the occasional novice user. Developers want developer-grade software.

And no matter what - software should just work.

Thought For Today: May God grant me the grace to practice what I preach...